Milestones

I don't know what it is about milestones that make me want to write. I suppose with each one that passes I feel a little more grateful, victorious & reflective.

This past Sunday was another milestone for me: Mother's Day. On this day last year we announced our pregnancy publicly.

Fast forward a year & I think I was a little unprepared for the emotions I felt. I honestly didn't think too much of it at first... Until someone wished me a Happy Mother's Day & then laughed it off, apologizing for putting the cart before the horse. After that I felt a little nervous for the rest of the day. It's funny because I kept thinking, 'I hope people don't feel uncomfortable around me because they think I'm upset.' Truly, I was not upset. It was... Bittersweet?

At various moments I started thinking how I should have a 5 month old right now, and how differently my life would look. But then I started thinking of the growth I've had in my life recently, how confident I feel, the blessed assurance that I have, the 'I can do anything I want to at the drop of a hat if I want to because I don't have kids'.

It was a little heart wrenching to look back reflecting on what could have been. It was also empowering to reflect on what is and what will be (a full quiver, right, Amber?!).

This verse has been stuck in my mind since:

Ps. 30:5 - I couldn't pick which version I liked best

The nights of crying your eyes out
    give way to days of laughter. (MSG)

Weeping may last through the night,
    but joy comes with the morning. (NLT) 


It would have been easy for me to let bitterness take root in my heart, but I felt the Lord with me all day, gently nudging me & reminding me of who He is & who I am. Giving me hope. Sitting here now I find myself teary eyed, not out of loss but out of hope.